The end is the beginning

Day 32: San Elijo to San Diego

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Oh, let this moment last. I want to linger, to drag this one out. Like saying goodbye at the airport, when my loved one is leaving for a distant place, me left with an empty place in my heart. Like the bittersweetness of graduation, where years of work and study and accomplishment are rewarded and celebrated, but many tears shed as friendships and alliances shift to make way for new opportunity and growth.

The short hop to San Diego was filled with such joy and melancholy. Staying in San Diego with a new friend brings a nervous uncertainty to the story too. And this new city, one I’ve yet to visit, explore, make one of my own. Another huge, sprawling metropolis. How can I wrap my mind around so many people is such a small place?

One person at a time. Talk to the stranger. Ask where the best fish tacos are. Do the laundry. Buy some “civies” at CVS and the cheap surf shops on the beachfront. Walk in the sand, feel the cool waves tickling my toes. Look at the parasurfer with amazement. Love the clay tiled architecture that is everywhere. Drink in the colors of the setting sun, the dying day, the hollowness on the horizon and in my chest.

As the end of the tour draws near, the beginning of my new life dawns. I have left my marriage, creating a certain void that cannot be filled. Let me linger in the memories of happiness and sorrow, of building and tearing down, of love and anger and pain and peace. I am deeply sorry for the ways I failed her as a husband, and cherish the decades of family we created. I will miss her so.

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