Leaving Ahimsa, grieving Ahimsa

No bicycling now, just a crazy, 8 day work week getting the house and grounds ready to rent.

Everyone rolls their eyes when I tell them my intention: to ready the house to show this weekend, then to rent by October 1, which is also the launch date of my next tour! Rolls their eyes, or tells me I’m nuts, or insists this is impossible. But I just shrug, this is the way things get done, sometimes, atvthe last minute, the big crunch, whirlwind of activity.

Last time I worked this hard on a project so challenging was… was… oh yeah, building a restaurant in 2001. Which followed on the heels of building the cob Kiva in 2000, where my belongings now reside. Everything I own is in the Kiva, save my bicycle, the clothes I’m using, and the pallet upon which I sleep, a futon in the living room.

It’s eerie going through the house, clearing out so much stuff. Many trips to the landfill, to Goodwill, now to the building store. Tearing off a rotten deck, a meditation on impermanence. Long overdue repairs, now being made on a house I no longer will live in. Nor will my family, who seem scattered to the winds. Though we are still close, still connected. Letting go of the past, of 23 years together, so many memories. Grieving the times I was inconsiderate, angry, paranoid. Terrible father. Neglectful husband. Idiot.

Grieving, then releasing. We can only go forward. And we all are. Seth and Shawn are starting anew again, in an apartment close to the restaurant. Intaba is a chef at a private school in New York, rekindling her career in natural foods. And me? I’m managing this property, managing a restaurant, and managing to get myself moving again, onto my bicycle, on to the future.

An epic slideshow for this epic day’s post, beginning with some vintage shots of me working on the Kiva. And then oh, the skies today! Even over Coffin Butte landfill, then over Ahimsa, with a breathtaking rainbow, Maxfield Parish clouds, full moon. This is still my home. Even though I am leaving. Even though I am grieving.

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