I played with a couple alternate titles for this, my first entry since I ended the tour: “My Winter of Discontent”or “Where Did I Go?” That second alternate was inspired by a blog fan who saw me working at FireWorks and said “We didn’t know if you had made it back, since the last post had your bike down on the side of the road with a flat!”
Yep, I made it back. And ended this tour much in the same manner as last year’s. Came home, re-entered the stresses, dramas, distractions and boredom of taking back the helm of the restaurant as it headed into its slowest season.
I was a petulant child. I didn’t want to work again. I wanted only to ride, ride, ride my bicycle.
So I rebelled. Like last fall, I stopped cycling, nearly altogether. Just a couple rides in the last several weeks. And I lapsed back into my favorite distractions, lack of self care, addictions, overeating.
Which is how I landed here, flat on my back in this bed, recovering from a nasty bug. A wake up call. Another f’ing learning experience.
To be fair, it hasn’t been all stress and anxiety, I had many moments of connections, even bliss. Hanging out with old and new friends, hosting musical events and busy nights at FireWorks. Escaping to my place of respite, the coast. Warm holiday times with Seth, Shawn & Intaba. A bat mitzva, Christmas with my parents and about 30 siblings and kin. And the biggest New Year’s Eve bash at FireWorks in 3 years.
As of now, I am on the mend. Meditating again on what I need to do to stay focused, balanced, moving forwards. Preparing to face a season of growing sales, hard decisions to make about debts and properties, moving past old regrets into new adventures.
And more cycling. Lots more!