Inspiration, from the empty place


Day 27:  Santa Cruz side trip, 17 miles

The wall.  After highs of meeting friends, seeing beautiful sights, feeling strong and vital as I ride hard over hills and valleys, I hit it.  The wall.

I am stopped in my tracks. My purpose seems hollow.  Am I just here seeking thrills, pleasure?  Am I that shallow?  What have I done with my life, with these years of time, how have I contributed?  And what will come next, once this trip ends, how will my journey continue?

The side trip today allows ample time to mull over, to watch my moods, to consider the options, the future, the possible.  Ample time to plumb the depths, to find the sore spots in my soul, to feel the loneliness, the emptiness.

A sunset leaves me speechless, as sunsets often do.  But this one, this one hits so close to home.  I remember communion, I remember closeness, I remember love.  Tears wet my cheeks, my cold heart thaws a little, my breath quickens.

I am glad to feel, all that I feel.  Glad to have this day, to have every day I am given, until I breathe my last.  I am thankful to have known all the blessed and loving and difficult people of my life. Especially a shining soul like Zach, what a miracle to have been his friend.

Good night Zach, wherever you are.  Peace be to all.


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